"I do!" were the words that both my husband and I confirmed to each other face to face the day of our blessed wedding day about 2 and half years ago. My mind was racing with wonderful thoughts about how much I loved him and how happy I was to be committed to him as now his wife. Finally, we will live happily together in our new home we bought and begin to create memories to share back with our future children. Our marital experiences were great until the prison system intervened 2 months later in our marriage.
We married late September 2007 and now he was gone to prison 2 months after... December of the same year-2007! My first married Christmas without him already. It was all but a blurry experience that happened so fast so quickly and now he was gone for 8 years according to the prison system for a conspiracy crime. What? Murderers do less time, child abuse felons do less time... how was this possible? All of the confusion and misunderstanding was all part of the grieving process wives with husbands in prison experience. Little did I know I would be in that percentage. I know that there are many wives going through similar experiences as I do and we are definitely not alone with over 2.3 million people currently in the nation's prisons or jails too many wives are left alone doing "time" at home without a survival kit. How does a faithful wife cope for months and years without the "head" of the family?
Through my own experiences I have developed a survival kit for myself I'd like to share with other wives making it day by day...waiting for that phone call..and looking forward for the next "visit" you know what I mean. The special times spent talking about everything you can to connect and keep your marriage strong and going. Well, over the past 2 and a half years my husband has been in prison, I have survived my "time" at home by using these 5 tips I call my survival kit. I can say that I am less stressful and more balanced than many wives that DO have their husbands home with them? Strange right? Try them for yourself and understand my feelings of "it's going to be okay" here you go:
1. Stay Positive-Reflect on why you married your husband to help you think of the qualities you love about him to help reassure your commitment to him. Share his great qualities whenever you can, with friends, family and co-workers that know him (this helps you smile and keep feeling proud of the man you married)
2. Heal-Cry, look at photos, renew your hope for the future by keeping pictures of great memories around every room around the house, yes even the bathroom!
3. Keep him in the loop-share daily events, funny experiences with family and friends at work, share when others mention positive things about him. Write letters at least twice a week (how exciting to get love letters), talk daily over the phone and be sure to include him in making decisions at home, send books and magazines of his interest, read the same books, use words of affirmation like (I am so happy to be your wife....your voice brings me peace...), value his role as a husband at ALL times.
4. Connect with your spiritual side-Unexplainable peace, strength, empowerment occurs that helps transform your lonely days into grateful and hopeful ones. Join a church where you may share your sorrow and experiences of a Prisoners wife without feeling judged this will give you a sense of relief. Read biblical verses daily and connect with your inner soul to give you powerful strength that help you cope for the absence of your husband.
5. Keep busy! Do the things you always wanted to do, but you didn't have time for when he was here. Like go to back to school, learn a new skill (ceramics, gardening, scrapbooking...). Go out with friends for dinners, spend time with family or involve yourself at work with more projects.
It hasn't been easy and I sympathize with all wives whose husband's are apart from them. Yet, I have learned to maintain focus on all the positive experiences as a prisoner's wife. Family, friends and co-workers who know about our situation or don't know have expressed that I look so happily married and that my husband seems like a wonderful person. Well, he is and I am happily married because my communication is stronger, my perspective towards marriage is different, my role as a Prisoner's wife has helped me to value both small and big things between every moment my husband and I share. I smile when I see his pictures and think "this is temporary" we are both healthy, have the privilege to see each other, talk daily and write and connect like we never did before. We have learned to appreciate each other and not take our marriage or our presence for granted-who can beat that feeling! God Bless you all and you are all in my daily prayers... keep the strength, faith and hope!
I have been a Prisoner's wife for over 30 months and have maintained my marriage strong and healthy. I am also a college instructor and have a Master's degree in Educational Counseling, a Bachelor's degree in Child Development and work in the Education field. My interests include writing journals of my life experiences, reading motivational books, watching romantic and comedy movies, mentoring youth and adults in achieving their career goals and most importantly growing spiritually by participating in church events and reading the bible daily. Through faith I believe prison reform will favor my husbands early release to come back home so we can start a family and have children which is my biggest wish. I thank God for all my life experiences because He was a reason for everyone of them, learning to reflect upon them is the key to happiness! Email me with any comments, questions or ideas to share.
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