What Makes a Good Marriage Relationship

ACKNOWLEDGING that men and women are biologically different, and that they process information differently- that's what. Knowing how they are different can empower a husband and wife to overcome their differences intelligently to make a good marriage relationship.

Dr. John Gray Phd, the bestselling author of "Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus" and its sequels, says that men and women do not understand how they are different. They can't understand each other much of the time as any long time married couple will tell you. This major communication problem is very serious because the misunderstandings and misconceptions bring about intense emotional hurt on both parties.

What is the main difference between men and women? Neuroscientists have recently made major findings in the differences of genetic makeup of men and women's brains. Men's brains are found to be separated into different unconnected areas for specific functions like language, memory, speech, feeling, etc, etc. These unconnected areas are arranged much like a filing cabinet with different files stored in specific drawers. Men can 'open' one drawer at a time to solve one mental task before they can 'open' other drawers for a different task. This is proven by the scientists' researches that show only a few concentrated areas of men's brains being activated when they are performing a mental task. Thus, men excel in performing only a single task at one time.

Compare this to women's brains. When they are given a mental task, many areas in the left and right hemispheres of the brains are activated. There are multiple connections which link one site to other areas of the brain. Nerves are interconnected all over women's brains. That is why women are good at multi tasking. They can talk, listen, remember and analyze all at the same time- while juggling careers, housework and babies!

So the different brain functions explain the major communication clashes among husbands and wives. Women, you should try not to overwhelm your husbands with a lot of different things at one time. Restrain yourselves from 'overloading' information onto your clueless husbands who may react with ignoring or shutting you out (or with physical/verbal abuse). You should not expect to communicate with your husbands like you connect with your women friends or family. Knowing how you are different can help you decide on what makes a better marriage relationship in the long run, by taking the necessary steps to bridge the differences.

A woman should be proactive in making a good marriage relationship since women have the advantage of well wired brain cells. Furthermore, the cells are enriched with the neurotransmitter dopamine (in the language and memory part of the brain)-which relays messages among the nerves to the different sites of the brain. You should play the major role of diplomat in your marriage because men do not have as much dopamine as women. Women are more adapt in language and memory so they are equipped to be better communicators (however there are men who are better communicators than women due to childhood upbringing and training).

To communicate well, you should not criticize your husbands' lack of communication skills, but instead be warm, understanding and positive. Respect and sincerity should prevail to get a good response from your husband. You should get to the point and not beat around the bush because your husband may not 'get it'. Make it short to get your man's attention and to avoid boredom.

You should tell your husband that you may not need a solution to your problems, but just to listen and validate your feelings. This may unburden the man from his "Mr. Fix-It" mentality and relieves him from being blamed for your unhappiness. If you appreciate your husband's listening, he will feel successful in helping his wife. He will feel happy to be listening in the future and not dread 'the talk'. This is an example of what makes a good marriage relationship where major misunderstandings in communication can be avoided.

The author is a wife and mother who has been spending 29 full-time years raising a brood of 7 children.She has a Bachelors degree from USA. She will soon be a grandma and hope to be a good one. The two eldest children are doctors and the third one is in medical school. The other four aspire to be dentists,optometrists or some 'other doctor jobs'.